Tuesday, 30 December 2008

Ways to Keep Your Sanity Intact

Legal warning: What follows is an attempt at extremely extreme humour. Go away now with your sanity in one piece. I won't accept any part of the blame from the next line forth.

Mind you, this's a reprocessed post. I'd previously published the same post twice in my other weblogs and now I've decided to put this big guy up on the FT blog board. The list joke below was something I had come across in the net more times than Simon Cowell appeared on TV wearing tight black t-shirts. Well go on now and read it! It's jolly funny! And it might come in handy too...hmm...

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
3. Insist that your e-mail address is: Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com or Elvis-The-King@companyname.com.
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN”.
7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9. Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what you think.”
10. Finish all your sentences with, “In accordance with the prophecy.”
11. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
12. Dont use any punctuation
13. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
14. Specify that your drive-thru order is “to go”.
15. Sing along at the opera.
16. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
17. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender)
18. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you’re doing. For example, “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom, in Stall # 3.”
19. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
20. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
21. Call 999 and ask if 999 is for emergencies.
22. Call the psychic hotline and don’t say anything.
23. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
24. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I won! I won! 3rd time this week!!!”
25. When leaving the zoo, start running toward the parking lot, yelling, “Run for your lives, they’re loose!”
26. Tell your boss, “It’s not the voices in my head that bother me, it’s the voices in your head that do.”
27. Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

2 contengan:

changkir said...

san nyawa mek maca post tok.. lucu ehh, especially no 27 ya.. mok coba lak hehehe...

Si Penconteng said...

Hehe. Nya lah ya tekkk. Penah juak encoba no 2 masa mek keja dolok. Sot-sot juak utak masa ya, apa tek tensen keja. Huehueh.